a breakfast for losers...

"We are hoping that you received the photos in good shape. However , if you didn't we are not responsible. We are frustrated and humble, but eating candy is not the answer but it tastes so good. "

I love my Grandpa.

Oh ? I'm glad we've got that all figured out.

So, supposedly I don't acquire the right amount of maturity a senior student should possess by now. Sorry, I must have misplaced it the other day. Have you seen it?


..I've got nothing today.

Failed again. But at least I tried...?

Phooey!

I won't deny it, it got under my skin. It's a silly, stupid audition, but it still got under my skin. I've been told that there will be other opportunities but that's the problem, there probably won't be those other opportunities That's why I auditioned. I feel as if once I leave for good, that I'll abandon the piano. That's why I was so eager at applying to University for music. I don't want to lose that talent. I don't want to lose something that has become a big part of my life. I think the one thing that bothers me is that my nervousness played a huge factor in my small messups...again. The fact that the piece of music given to me was fucking simple. SIMPLE! And I couldn't pull it off. Damn those jitterbugs. I freeze up in auditions, interviews, uncomfortable social situations. Well scratch that, in any type of social situation I freeze up. It was so ridiculous how it struck such a big nerve in me. Plus, who enjoys being the fifth one out.

Ms. Hill: "There are only four parts, and five of you auditioned."

This is where you can hear me mutter "oh shit..." and that's when I knew....

Ms. Hill: "Sorry Ashley, you're out of here"

Gah, way to bring a girl down, especially in front of everyone. It would have been nice to tell me one on one. Then again, that's life, right? I'm just too damn sensitive. I suppose I just need to suck it up. Of course, you can always turn to Dave for those witty remarks, to put a smile on your face. Or the girl who sits beside you in class, who's completely oblivious to why you are sporting a sad face, though manages to make you feel better.

Ah, I feel so much better now, after coming home and sulking to my mommy. Yes, my mommy.

Thank god these feelings are only temporary...to some extent at least.

I slept with bonhomme at the CBC

I am listening to Broken Social Scene, and it reminds me of calm snowy days and snowflakes committing suicide in my eyelashes. Especially the song Mossbraker.

Yes, I'm just reminiscing.

I had my audition today. Due to my perfectionist ways, especially when it comes to the piano, I think I did horribly. Despite what Emily said.

Mr. Gilmour: "That was a nice job, Ashley"

Code word for "nice job": Horrible.

I am so hard on myself, but I suppose all that matters is I actually tried, and usually I don't. My competition, I believe auditions tomorrow. Gah.

Anyway, what else did I do today?

Oh right, I didn't talk to you and I was only but a few feet away.

Blah, blah, blah.

In not-so recent news, Esso loses court case against Greenpeace. Supposedly the parody of Esso's logo that Greenpeace had created, made Esso look like Nazis. This was one claim made among the other ridiculous claims made by Esso.

Don't Buy Esso!


People don't take you seriously when you wear a monkey mask, and yell "Don't poison your car with Esso" while your friend is actually filling her tank up with Esso gas. Go figure!

Not a damn thing to write. My words are better left inside my head to rot, than to ever get a chance to know what it's like to be heard.

...